25 and Single

Before you blow my head off for picking on your age or making you feel insecure, calm down, it’s not what you think.

Growing up, I heard a lot of  “You are in JS 3 and you cannot solve this ordinary quadratic equation” from teachers to students who felt those “dumb students” didn’t know what their mates knew. There, is where the problem began.

A few weeks after I finished secondary school, I heard my mum say “The girl next door just gained admission to study biochemistry” which I knew was not to inform me but an indirect way of saying “You need to make sure you get this admission!”  It was not particularly a problem for me— I mean it’s fine for a mother to jack up her child. So no, that wasn’t the problem. The problem therein for me was gauging my speed with “...the girl next door”.

This issue is a report of not only emotional blackmail, but a mix of making people feel low about themselves.

You see, people should be given the opportunity to choose when they want to go on with different phases in their lives not because some people want them out or because they ought to but simply because they want to.

The issue of speed especially with stage has been long before time. If you had not brought a man home yet at 23/24, you could as well be on your way to the next Osun Festival* to get your head washed from the things your village people have followed you with because it’s either you are cursed or your name has been called in a secret coven.

The expectations from the society, the standards that have seemingly been placed, the things that are seen as normal, and the stages that are expected of you to come up hither. These, have determined a lot around the globe and has put people under unnecessary pressure of which what matters is how they handle it.

Whether or not (which is most unlikely not to) you have been hit with this at one point or the other in your life, you have to know that the choice to move from one stage to another and at whatever pace is for you to decide— not the society, not what you put on social media. Set your standards so others don’t put their standard up for you. Own your pace and your race.

There are different seasons and times for everyone on earth to do one thing or another. While someone has learnt and is already exploring, you might just be in your growth stage holding up your roots to become strong so you can blossom. With zero pressures.

I know it’s not easy to look away when you see “relationship goals” or “I just bagged a...” but you have to know that it’s not your season but you’re not too old for it when it comes for you. It’s just your perfect time and actually, you’re not late.

Age is but numbers. What matters is that seasons come and go and seasons do not come with age— they come with time.

It doesn’t matter what time you get it right, the good thing is that you got it right.

It doesn’t matter what time you launch it, the good thing is that you launch it.

While you hold up that age doesn’t matter and all, it’s important that you also hold that it should be no excuse for laziness and a laid back attitude of “there’s still time”. Use time diligently and stay accountable.

No time spent planning is a waste. The end product is what matters.

While even now I think I’m a bit too young for all I’ve achieved, I still think about people who are younger than me that have done more than I have. So when doing things, I do not attach my age. I just take it to be that I did it and that’s it.

This is a month of love and trust me, there would be a lot of pressure to say YES, to get into a relationship, to have a photoshoot with “the one”, to get valentine package and all those things. My advice is not to lie to yourself and feel like you don’t need it anyways or love is not just for you right now. Love is sweet, it is a beautiful thing. To be with someone you love and trust is splendid and divine.

First, accept your current status if you’re single and second, remind yourself that there’s no late comer in getting into a relationship or doing that thing you want to do ‘like your age mates are’. You’d get to that stage at the right time and you’d be fine. You’d be glad you waited for ‘the one’ and you didn’t beat yourself up.

I don’t know what this write up means to you. But if it was worth the read, please stay with #zeropressure and share it with someone.

Abayomi Adeola Della

Abayomi Adeola Della is a Life & Business Coach. She engages Content Development to bring ideas to life.


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