The last time I wrote to you, I didn’t know you— but well, maybe I did. I just wasn’t sure if it was another rollercoaster I was about to get into.
I remember you once wrote a great poem on parenting, I cannot exactly remember what my comment was— but I remember that we had conversations surrounding marriage, family and parenting and I said “you’d be a good father to your children”. And we were nothing, just friends.
This is another letter from me to you.
Dear Future Husband, I suddenly recall my fears almost three years ago about relationship and marriage. I wasn’t ready. I was just broken and bitten already by too many dramas in my life that I knew I was fed up. This numb evening when it felt like my world was turning on it’s own, I went to this white wall crying my eyes out and turning all my burden to God in all humility after trying on my own and seeking comfort in the wrong places. All these while, I heard God say you were close. But I was too fast to define how close. I started to look into all the close “things” I had already and tried to fit you in. But you know what they say about square pegs in round holes?
I went crying to God that cold night after trying to figure it out on my own but I failed, severally. Right there and then, I told God “I need you in this locked garden. I need you to take away the weed for me to see the beautiful rose”. I prayed this with the pain of losing the weeds I had nurtured but with the joy of finding that rose.
A few weeks later, I couldn’t find the weeds anymore. I tried all I could to get them back in my own innocence but I couldn’t but there, I found this beautiful rose. I’m not a fan of flowers so I was confused. I was so used to the weeds. I had a lot of them— that I couldn’t recognize the beauty of this weed.
Three years ago, few hours ago, before my birthday, I went solitary asking God for a gift. I badly wanted a shoe, or maybe money, I would have even managed good grades. But you know what happened?
My dear, it took me a while to realize you and your beauty and there are practically so many things I can’t wait to do with you.
I know sometimes your fart can be deadly but I really don’t mind having it all my life (I know they won’t kill me). You take so much time to dress up and I understand that’s how angels do and so I want to watch you do that every morning in my life.
I want to attend Johnny Drille’s Live Concert with you over and again and watch you dance the dance nobody ever sees except me— how you raise your hand and wine your waist and hold me like you’re never letting me go.
I know you love to go to the movies and that’s when you buy me all the junks in the world and I love it! I can’t wait to do what married people do in there with you because, yunno, it’s dark there. And I’m silly like that. Lol.
A lot of times we can be two musketeers in a gathering and be doing the most without anyone knowing and yet, still be the two very spiritual people raising holy hands and spitting words of knowledge— amen? This was what I prayed for. This, right here. What we have.
I sat down many times as a 15 year old and made a list of what a marriage or relationship should be like and my number 1 was “No marriage is perfect” but 6 years later, I struck it out because I saw what was perfect with you. I know people say this is impossible but I have learnt that with you, it’s a different storytelling— all non-fiction and so perfect.
You remind me many times of God’s love and that’s why I never swim in condemnation because you always affirm me, you show me what true love is like and you bring heaven here on earth. I remember how I lived our first weeks in this relationship in fear of things turning sour. And I asked you times without number “Would you love me till we grow old?” and everytime, you gave the same answer in different ways showing me that true love is not in the while but in a while that is forever.
It’s 4 years that I said you would be a good father and I still hold the same opinion. I love the way you talk about Jane and the way you love Richard too. And the way you make my ovaries feel like they are in safe hands. I love how you take conscious effort with each step you take and help me align my actions to what our future holds and what we’d birth together.
Do you remember when you introduced your company to me and I asked for the full meaning but you said you could only tell the person you would get married to? I hope you told her already.
I still want to trim your full hair. I still don’t want beards. I still want hair on your chest. And I still want those prophecies.
I still want to get the texts you send to me at every speaking engagement while I’m speaking— I still wonder how you get to know when I’m speaking even when you’re not there.
I’ve looked back in time and I love every minute we spend together and how we’re integrated to our own lives. How we freshly love each other and let nothing get in our way.
I remember how you told me your dreams and ambitions and as your friend, a 17 year old girl with no clue of what was possible, you showed me that there could be more than the ‘more’ I was starting to feel content with.
Aworanifeoluwasimi, I can go on and on writing about this beautiful gift God gave me. I could climb Everest just to say how much I love you. Your heart, your mind, your soul, everyday, I’m glad I can reach it no matter how far or how close we are.
I’m so confident in all that God has planned for us. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for grooming me. Thank you for always celebrating me.
I’m celebrating this new year with so much gladdening in my heart seeing you there, right there, where God has placed you in my life.
PS (for my readers): read my first letter here.